Humor jokes-50th Anniversary

A man and woman were recently celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
While cutting the cake, the wife was moved after seeing her husband's eyes fill with tears.
The wife took his arm, and looked at him affectionately. "I never knew you were so sentimental. " she whispered.
"No . . . No . . ." he said, choking back his tears, "That's not it at all. Remember when your father found us in the barn and told me to either marry you or spend the next 50 years in jail?"
"Yes," the wife replied. "I remember it like yesterday."
"Well," said the husband, "Today I would have be a free man."

Humor jokes-Short cut across the cemetery

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party Vand decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost!
What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

Really funny jokes-Ghost & Vampire humor

Q: Why do vampires drink blood?
A: Because coffee keeps them awake all day!

Q: Why don't ghosts like to go out in the rain?
A: Because it dampens their spirits!

Q: What do you get if you cross a dwarf with a vampire?
A: Teeth marks on your knees!

Q: What's invisible and very frightened?
A: A ghost with the sheet scared out of him.

Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They wear masking tape.

Short funny jokes

Q: What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
A: Do you believe in people?

Humor jokes-The Lottery

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.
She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost m y business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You.
PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself....
"Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket."

Really funny jokes-Marijuana filled Firewood

"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith. He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood!
Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, twelve Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.
"Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

Office jokes-Model customer

A factory owner said to a store owner, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you."
"Gosh, it's nice to hear that, but I'm kind of surprised," admitted Smith. "You know that I argue every bill and always pay late."
The factory owner said, "I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred."