Short funny jokes-Phone number

Guess what happened when I requested an economist to give me his phone number - i got an estimate.

Short funny jokes-Homing pigeon

Guess how Dennis made his millions with just one domestic homing pigeon?

He sold the dove for a dollar and it kept coming home a million times!

Football jokes-Possum

Why the Arizona Cardinals are like a possum?

Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

one liner jokes

Q. What's the difference between an Puerto Rican and a computer?
A. You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q. What do you call a field full of Puerto Rican?
A. A vacant lot.

Short humor jokes-Bank tellers

Tom: Do you know why bank tellers are advised not to ride motorcycles?

Jerry: Why is that?

Tom: Because they are likely to lose their balance.

Short funny jokes-Average

Q: What would England achieve with 11 David Beckhams?

A: An average IQ.

Sports jokes-Second round

What do you call a Scottish guy in the second round of the World Cup?

He has to be The Referee

Short funny jokes-Degrees

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

"You may have graduated but I've got many degrees".

Short funny jokes-Cinderella's photos

What did Cinderella say while she was waiting for her photos?

Some day my prints will come.

Short funny jokes-Alien's mother

What did the alien's mother say to the alien?

Where on earth have you been!

Short funny jokes-Karate expert

My brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert who joined the army.

The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

Short funny jokes-Hippie

How do you get a hippie out of the bath?

Turn on the water.

Clean jokes-Betting on Horses

‘Betting on horses is a funny old game,’ says a man to his friend. ‘You win one day and lose the next.’

The friend replies, ‘So why not bet every other day?’

Economy jokes-Pessimistic women

Q: Why are Women more pessimistic about the economy than Men?

A: Because men are in charge of the economy!

Clean jokes-Potatoes

1) How do you describe an angry potato?
Boiling Mad.

2) Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster?
Because he was a commontater.

3) Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?
He desperately wanted a scoop.

4) What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato?
Anything, just butter him up.

5) What does an American potato say when it thinks something is wonderful?
It's mashing!

Animal jokes-Elephant and parrot

What would you get if you crossed an elephant with a parrot?

Something that tells you everything it remembers.

Animal jokes-Bunny

What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
Thistle have to do!

How do you post a bunny?
Hare mail.

What does a bunny use when it goes fishing?
A hare-net.

Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?
It has 4 rabbits' feet.

Short funny jokes-Punctuation marks

In a Veteran's Day speech, the American President vowed, 'We will finish the mission. Period.'

Afterwards, he was advised he doesn't have to read the punctuation marks.

Short funny jokes-Whiskey diet

I'm on a whiskey diet.
I've lost three days already.

Valentine's Day joke-Strict attention

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.