Really funny jokes-A Walking Economy

This guy is walking with his friend. He says to this friend, "You know, Benny's a walking economy."
His friend replies, "How so?"
"His hair line is in recession, his stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting him into a deep depression."

Humor jokes-Old Farmers

Two old farmers had hauled a truck load of squirming hogs eighty miles from their west Kansas farm to the nearest market. The old truck had overheated twice; the hogs were keeping the truck rocking, even when it was stopped, and the hot summer Kansas wind was drying them out fast.

Within three miles of the market, they passed a tavern and pulled in for a couple of draft beers. The place was dimly lit and air conditioned.

After about 20 minutes, one says to the other, "It's going to be really hard to get up, but I reckon we ought to."
About that time, a quite obvious loose woman walks up to the bar, works her way in between them, and says, "You guys look about ready for action. I'll do anything you want me to do for $60."
The old farmer pulls three $20 bills out of his pocket and replies, "Here you go, Ma'am; git that load of hawgs to the Maple Street auction barn."

Really Really funny jokes-Bet with Blonde

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 PM news was coming on..
The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?'
Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.'
The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.' Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!'
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, 'Fair's fair. Here's your money.'
Bob replied, 'I can 't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM News and so I knew he would jump.'
The blonde replied, 'I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.'
Bob took the money...

Really funny jokes-Preacher's baby

There was a preacher who's wife was having a baby, so he went to his congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever a preacher's family expanded, so would his pay check.
After 6 children this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children would cost the church. Finally the preacher got up and spoke to
the crowd,
"Children are a gift from God, he said. Silence fell on the congregation. In a back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said." rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of
it, we wear rubbers, and the congregation said, "Amen"

Humor jokes-Bee inconspicuous

Two bees ran into each other. The first bee asked the other how things were going.
"Really bad," said the second bee. "The weather has been really wet and damp and there aren't any flowers or pollen, so I can't make any honey."
"No problem," said the first bee. "Just fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fruit."
"Thanks for the tip," said the second bee, and he flew away.
A few hours later, the two bees ran into each other again. The first bee asked, "How'd it go?"
"Great!" said the second bee. "It was everything you said it would be."
"Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked the first bee.
"That's my yarmulke," said the second bee. "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."

Really funny jokes-Dentist's thinking

Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."
Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

Funny jokes-Melvin's Mom

When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at "Mom" and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened.

"Don't worry," she said, "I'll take care of it."

A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was "Mom."

"Melvin," she said, "you left your cell phone at the convenience store."