Clean jokes

1) Long back, people who sacrificed their sleep, forgot their family, forgot food, forgot laughter were called "Saints", But now they are called.. "IT professionals"

2) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt : "If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"

3) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love.
Love is always present.. Its just that, One loves too much, And the other loves too many

4) Employee: Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!

Really funny jokes-Babies

There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.
The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, "Congratulations you're the father of two beautiful twins!"
Amazed, the man says, Great! I am the manager for the Minneasota Twins.
The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, "Congratulations you're the father of three beautiful triplets!"
Amazed, he says, "That's cool I work for 3M."
All of a sudden, the third father opens the window and jumps out.
The third nurse comes out, and asks, "Where's the third father?"
One of the other fathers said, "Oh he jumped out the window.."
The nurse asks, "Why?"
He replied, "He works for Seven Up!"

Doctor jokes-Swallow

"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade. "
"Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?"
"Yeah, I shaved with the electric razor."

Humor jokes-Feel Better Now

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying.
She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me ... the whole world hates me!"
Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."

Really funny jokes-A Speeding Ticket !!

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange
Officer: May I see your driver's license
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen.
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK!!
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation
Captain: Sir, can I see your license
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

Kids jokes-Why?

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, an laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times.

"Now," said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"

A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know I know!" she said, "To make the gravy!"

Funny jokes-Longer Dipstick

A woman pulls over at the gas station, gets out of her car, opens the hood, and checks the engine oil. After a few seconds of intelligent thinking, she takes a dipstick in her hand and, raising her chest high, walks up to the attendant: "Excuse me sir, but can I buy a longer dipstick?"
"May I ask why you need a longer one ma'am?"
"Because this one isn't long enough to reach the oil!!"