Clean jokes-English Channel

Mrs. Kapoor, the English teacher asked a student in class, "Rahul, where is the English Channel?"

Rahul replied, "No idea Madam, our television doesn't pick it up."

Kids jokes-Sales call

Dean, an electronics salesman, makes a sales call and a little kid answers the phone.

Dean: Hello, little fellow. Can I speak to your mother?

Little kid : She is not at home.

Dean: Well, is anyone else at home?

Little kid: Ya, my sis.

Dean: Okay. May I speak to her?

Little kid: All right.

There was a long silence. Then:

Little kid: Hello?

Dean: Oh, it’s you again. I thought you were going to call your sister.

Little kid: I tried. The trouble is, I can’t get her out of the playpen.

Blood flow

A physical instructor was giving practical demonstrations of various physical positions. He stood on his head and blood ran to his head making his face turn red. Later he asked: “When I turned upside down, blood ran to my face. Now tell me, why the same thing does not happen when I am on my feet?”

A back bencher replied: “May be because your feet are not empty?”

Hilarious jokes-Too long in the toilet

Little Tommy was sitting on the toilet pot. His mother thought he was taking too long, so she went into the bathroom to check on him. Tommy was there sitting on the toilet seat reading a book. But every few seconds, he would put the book down, grab the toilet seat with one hand, and hit himself on top of the head with the other hand.

His mother found this strange and asked: "Tommy, are you okay? You've been in here for a while."

Little Tommy replied, "I'm fine, mom, I just haven't done my potty yet."

His mother said, "That's all right, sweety, you can stay here for some more time, but why do you keep hitting yourself on the head?"

Little Tommy replied: "Works for ketchup."

Kids jokes-Growing hair

While giving a bath to Neel, my 4-year-old son, I was applying shampoo to his hair and noticed how fast his hair was growing.

I mentioned this to him and told him he needed a haircut again.

Pondering over the problem, he came up with a solution and said, "Maybe we shouldn't water it so much."

Kids jokes-Words in the head

I was impressed by my nephew's vocabulary and said to him, "Joe, you are wonderful with words!"

Only five years old, my nephew responded, "I have words in my head I haven't even used yet."

Kids jokes-Like Uncle

Announcing to my four year old son that his aunt just delivered a baby boy and it looked just like his uncle, he said, "You mean he has a mustache?"

Teacher jokes-Spell wrong

Teacher : How do you spell "wrong"?

Bobby : R-O-N-G.

Teacher: That's wrong.

Bobby: That's what you asked for, isn't it?

Kids jokes-Learn to spell

Little Tina (sobbing): Mommy, I will never learn how to spell.

Little Tina's mom: Why is that?

Little Tina: The class-teacher keeps changing the words.

A very embarrassing moment

Jim and Clara had invited an old friend to their home for dinner.

When dessert was served to the guest, Clara apologized for not having any cheese to go with the apple pie.

Hearing this, their little son, Jack slipped down from his chair and disappeared, then returned in a minute with a small piece of cheese. He shyly placed on the guest’s plate.

“Thank you, young man,” said the guest as he popped the cheese in his mouth, “That must be the last piece you found. Where did you find it?”

Flushing with pride, little Jack answered, "Oh it was in the mousetrap."

Not that far!

Class teacher: “Children, we going to have a lesson on the sun tomorrow. Everyone must attend.”

One small boy: “Miss, I can’t.”

Teacher: “Why is that?”

The little boy: “I am sure my mother will not allow me to go that far without her.”

Baby tomato

Tom: What did the father tomato ask the baby tomato to do while on a family jog?

Jerry : He asked the baby tomato to Ketchup.

In bunches

Tom : The bananas never seem to be lonely. Why?

Jerry: Don't you know they always come in bunches!

Kids jokes-Politics

An English teacher said in class, "Students, can anyone of you give me a sentence with politics in it."

Suzie raised her hand and answered, "My Cat Poly ate a clock, and now, polytics."

Bicycle busting

Little Bobby always wanted to own a Hercules bicycle, so when his dad bought him one, Bobby was overjoyed. He spent most of his summer vacations riding his brand new bike, ringing the bicycle's bell and waving at all the jealous kids in the neighborhood. One day, some bullies in the locality stopped him, then drew a circle in the dirt road and told him, "Stay inside this circle. If you step out, you will get the thrashing of your life."

Then they picked up some iron rods and started hitting his new Hercules bicycle with the rods. When they were finished busting the bicycle, they looked back at Little Bobby and saw him smiling. They hit the bicycle some more, and he was still smiling. They walked up to him and asked, "Why the grin on your face? Don't you realize we smashed your new bike!"

Bobby said, "I know, but you never noticed I stepped out of the circle 12 times."

Kids jokes-Father's income

The Mathematics teacher, Mrs. Simpson, had a question for Little Bernie. She asked, "Tell me Bernie, if your Father's income was $ 100 and he gave half of it to your mother, what would she get?"

Little Bernie was quick to answer, "A heart attack!"

Short joke-Banana

Little Johnny: Tell me what made the banana go to the doctor?

Little Bobby: Did it have fever?

Little Johnny: No, it went cos it wasn’t peeling well!

Strict daddy

Dean had a very hard day at office and when he returned home his five-year-old pestered him to play games. Finally it was bed time and Dean was real tired.

Dean said sternly to the boy: “Sonny, no more games. You change into your night suit, brush your teeth and go straight to bed.”

The little boy gave him a tight hug and whispered: “Dad, I learned about small kids in orphanages who don’t have their daddies.”

Dean was moved that the little kid appreciated having his father with him.

The little one again whispered: “Is it possible for you to go and be their dad?”

Mother's broom

On a pleasant evening, a small boy was playing in the backyard of his house with his mother’s broom. He pretended to be a witch flying on the broom. By the time he finished his play, it was quite dark.

Unable to locate the broom in its usual place, the boy’s mother asked the little one about it. The boy confessed that he had left it in the backyard. The mother asked him to fetch it immediately upon which the boy said it was quite dark in the backyard and he was scared to step out to get the broom.

The mother patted him kindly and said: “God is everywhere. He is out there too. So don’t be afraid and ask for his help.”

The boy went and opened the back door a crack and shouted: “Oh god, my mother says you are out there. Can you please bring me my mother’s broom please.”

No sleep walking!

It was bedtime for Little Ted and he insisted on taking his bicycle to bed with him.

His mother, a little surprised by the strange request, asked him why he wanted to do that.

Ted replied, "Mom, I don't want to walk in my sleep!"