Carla's Message to her Cats
Attentions: Cats
1. When you are asked to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch positions with each other so there are still both of you in the way.
2. I bought the dishes with the paw print to serve you food in it. The other dishes are NOT YOURS, they belong to me and contain my grub. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
3. The stairway was not designed by an auto-racing association and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I can fall faster than you can run.
4. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of other cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
5. My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
6. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years - feline attendance is not mandatory or helpful.
7. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cats' back end. I cannot stress this enough.
8. To calm you down, I have posted the following message on our front door.
Regards
Carla.
Attentions: Cats
1. When you are asked to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch positions with each other so there are still both of you in the way.
2. I bought the dishes with the paw print to serve you food in it. The other dishes are NOT YOURS, they belong to me and contain my grub. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
3. The stairway was not designed by an auto-racing association and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I can fall faster than you can run.
4. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of other cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
5. My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
6. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years - feline attendance is not mandatory or helpful.
7. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cats' back end. I cannot stress this enough.
8. To calm you down, I have posted the following message on our front door.
Regards
Carla.
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