Short Humor jokes-Discrimination

In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think us women are weak, dumb, cantankerous. ..or what?"
"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them."

Teacher jokes-The Nutty professor

There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke.

After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.
The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said: "Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whores in India?"
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
"Wait, ladies," cried the professor. "The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!"

Funny jokes-Stepping on ducks

Stepping on ducks
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest old man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on, young, very tall and muscular. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?
The man says, I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!

Really funny jokes-Cyanide

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license!
They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription. "

Humor jokes-Realizing a dream

A schoolteacher was given a ticket for driving through a red light.
When she appeared in traffic court, she asked the judge for immediate attention to her case as she was due to be back in class.
The judge looked at her sternly and said:
"So that's you my schoolteacher Ms. Enigma. I am about to realize my childhood dream. Ma'am You sit down at that table over there and write 'I went through a stop sign.' FIVE HUNDRED TIMES' then show me."

Short Humor jokes-Mirror, Mirror on the Wall ...

A woman tells the doctor: "I looked in the mirror and my hair was all frazzled,my skin was wrinkled, my eyes were
bloodshot and my face looked corpse-like. What's wrong?"
The doctor looks at her for a minute, then says: "Well there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

Really Funny Jokes-Collision

This is an actual radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations, 10-10-95,
MSG#H0000115020ecb5 2EMHS

#1: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision."
#2: "Recommend that you change YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision."

#1: "This is the captain of a U.S. navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."
#2: "No, I say again divert YOUR course."

#1: "This is the aircraft carrier Enterprise, we are a large warship of the U.S. navy. Divert your course NOW!"
#2: "This is a lighthouse. Your call?"