Funny jokes-Abstract noun

The English teacher Mrs. Brown was teaching nouns on a Wednesday morning. She said to her class, "An abstract noun is something you can think of, but you can't touch it. Who can give give me an example of one?"

"I can," said Sam, a teenager. "My father's new car."

Teacher jokes-Spell wrong

Teacher : How do you spell "wrong"?

Bobby : R-O-N-G.

Teacher: That's wrong.

Bobby: That's what you asked for, isn't it?

Kids jokes-Father's income

The Mathematics teacher, Mrs. Simpson, had a question for Little Bernie. She asked, "Tell me Bernie, if your Father's income was $ 100 and he gave half of it to your mother, what would she get?"

Little Bernie was quick to answer, "A heart attack!"

Class discipline

Bernie, who was a school teacher by profession, injured his spine in an accident and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. He wore a cotton shirt over it and it was not evident at all.

As the new term began, he was assigned to a senior class with the rowdiest students in school.

Walking confidently into the classroom, with the cast still under his shirt, Bernie opened the window wide and then got busy with some desk work. There was a strong breeze that made his tie flap, so Bernie simply picked up the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

The whole class of trouble-makers went silent.
Bernie had no problems with discipline in that term.

Three Little Pigs

The story of the day in the first grade was the Three Little Pigs. Mrs. Taylor, the teacher was reading out the story when she came to the part where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home.

She said, "And so the pig went up to the man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said 'Pardon me sir, but might I have some of that straw to build my house with?' "

Then Mrs. Taylor had a question for the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "I know the answer... . . . . 'Holy smokes! A talking pig!!' "

The teacher was speechless for the next few minutes...

Hilarious jokes-Only child

Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school."

"That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her u are the only child?"

"She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"

You might be a Schoolteacher if

You might be a Schoolteacher if...

you have no time for a life from August to June.

you want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work from 8 to 3 and have your summers free!"

when out in public you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.

you refer to adults as "boys and girls."

you encourage your spouse by telling them they are a "good helper."

you've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would never dream of doing your job.

meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"

you believe "extremely annoying" should have its own box on the report card.

you know hundred good reasons for being late.

you don't want children of your own because there isn't a name you can hear that wouldn't elevate your blood pressure.

Really funny jokes-Bad at Maths

There was A teacher who was shouting at his class because they were so incredibly lazy, "I wouldn't be surprised if 50% of you flunk this math class," he said.

One of the kids put up his hand. "But teacher, there aren't that many in this class," he said.

Teacher jokes-Expand

One day, Little Tommy asked his Class teacher, "Teacher, why are the days longer in the summer?"

The teacher answered, "It's because of the heat. It makes everything expand."

Really funny jokes-Unused textbook for sale

In my college, posters offering used textbooks for sale are pasted on the college notice board at the beginning of each trimester.

One of them read: "Introduction to Marketing, $12, never used."
The card was signed, "Seller in hurry."

The next day a note had been added: "Fair price. Are you sure it's never been used?" Signed, "Prospective buyer."

Below in a different hand was: "Positive!" Signed, "Professor who graded his exam."

Really funny jokes-Little Johnny's school days

Miss Patricia decided to start her class with a new assignment, so she began writing furiously on the blackboard. The assignment being a big one, she had to stretch herself to write from the top of the board.

She heard a chuckle and instantly recognized the voice. She turned around and demanded, "What did you find so funny, Jerry?"

Jerry replied, "I just saw one of your garters."

Miss Patricia thundered, "Get out of my class this very moment and I don't want to see your face for a full week."

She turned back to writing on the blackboard. She had omitted to write the title of the chapter due to the distraction, so she stretched harder to scribble on the top of the board. A louder giggle echoed in the room and she quickly turned around to ask, "Will you share the joke with the class, Mike?"

Mike replied sheepishly, "I just saw both of your garters."

She shouted, "Get out of my class. And stay out for a month."

Embarrassed by the happenings, she dropped the marker and as she bent over to pick it up, Miss Patricia heard loud laughter. As she prepared herself for another round of firing, she noticed Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you are going, young man?" Miss Patricia boomed.

"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over."

Short funny jokes-Bald teacher

What do you call an English teacher, five feet tall, covered from head to toe in boils and totally bald?

Sir!

Kids jokes-Sheep jumping over fence

Mrs. Smith, the maths teacher, gave the class a problem to solve.

She asked the first graders, "If I had ten sheep and five of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"

"None," answered little Tommy.

Mrs. Smith glared at Tommy and said, "None? Tommy, what's wrong with your arithmetic?"

Tommy answered, "Mrs. Smith, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"

Kids jokes-Spelling of icholas

A little kid raised his hand in class and asked the teacher, "Can you please tell me , ma'am how do you spell icholas?"

Miss Mary, the teacher was rather dazed. "Don't you mean Nicholas?" she asked.

"No, ma'am. I've written the 'N' already."

Teacher jokes-Statue of Venus

Mrs. Katrina, the Arts teacher, addressed the class with a statue of Venus in her hands.
"What do you like best about this piece of art? Raise your hands."

Steven raised his hand and said, "The symmetry."

"Very good. And you, Justin?"

"Her assets!" says Justin

"Get out of the class, Justin and stand in the hall," responds Mrs. Katrina with loathing. "And you, Bubba?"

"I'm leaving, ma'am, I'm leaving..."

Teacher jokes-Cross eyed

I took my brother, Nikhil to college. He was curious to meet our cross-eyed professor who could not control his pupils.

Funny jokes-Good morning!

How to identify students when the professor walks into the class and says good morning.

* If the students say good morning back, they are Freshmen.
* If the students put their newspapers down and open their books, they are Sophomores.
* If they look up so they can see the professor over the tops of the newspapers, they are Juniors.
* If they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, they are Seniors.
* If they write it down, they are Graduate students.

Teacher jokes-Sleeping student

The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor, "Hey wake that student up!"

The neighbor yells back, "You put him to sleep, you wake him up!"

Teacher jokes-Classroom

A geography teacher entered the class and the children greeted in chorus: “Good morning, sir.”

The Teacher greeted them back saying, “Good morning, students. Now where were we yesterday?”

A back-bencher promptly answered, “Right here in this classroom, sir.”

Funny jokes-Do you know

Teacher: “Jasper, what is this thing they call Twitter?”

Jasper: “What do you think it is, Mam?”

Teacher: “I don’t think, I KNOW!”

Jasper: “I don’t think I know either, Mam!”