Funny jokes-Mafia don

A Mafia don calls his home.

The butler picks up the phone and says: Hello

Mafia don: Give the phone to my wife.

Butler: Just a moment.

The Butler comes back and says: She is in the bathroom.

Mafia Don: I said I want to speak to her NOW!

Butler: I am sorry but she cannot come to the phone right now.

Mafia Don: If you do not get her on the phone in a minute, I am going to blow your head into smithereens.

Butler (now scared): You do not understand, there is a man with her in the bathroom.

Mafia Don: What did you say??

Butler: Yes, it's true.

Mafia Don: Listen carefully, I want you to take the gun from my closet and then shoot them both.

Butler (scared out of his wits) : I can't do that, I can never kill anyone.

Mafia Don: Do it right now!

Butler: No, I can't!

Mafia Don: If you don't do it right now, I will kill you and your family. Now get on it with- I want to hear the shots, and don't forget to get rid of the gun.

Butler: Uh, all right.

The Mafia Don then hears two loud shots over the phone.

Butler (badly shaken) : I did it!

Mafia Don: Good work. What did you do with the gun?

Butler: I threw the gun in the pool.

Mafia Don: What pool are you talking about? We don't have a pool? Is this 747-5498?

Positive

A proton and a neutron were taking a walk down the road.

The proton said, "Wait a minute, I think I dropped an electron. Can you help me find it."

The neutron said, "Are you sure?"

The proton replied "Of course, I am positive."

Short funny jokes-Watch your health

My granddad always used to tell me: "No need to watch your money; always watch your health."

So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my granddad.

Harley Davidson joke

Sir Isaac Newton goes to a cocktail party and introduces himself to a smart looking person and asks, "Do you mind telling me your IQ?"

The guy answers, " It's 208."

"Truly amazing!" says Newton. "We will talk about the Big Bang theory and the other mysteries of the universe. I think we can have a long conversation!"

Newton then finds another man and asks him about his IQ, to which the man replies, "its 137."

"Wonderful!" says Newton. "We can discuss politics and world peace."

Newton goes to a third person asks, "What is your IQ?"

The man answers, "53."

Newton excited exclaims, "So it's you who owns the Harley Davidson parked out front!"

Elephant hunt

There was this Indian who went to the jungle to hunt an elephant but had to give up mid-way as he developed hernia from carrying the decoy.

The hot dog experience

Two Irish nuns, who have just arrived in the US, are hungry and one says to the other, "I have heard that the Americans actually actually eat dogs."

"That's strange," the other nun replied, "but if we are to live here, might as well do as the Americans do." Agreeing to this, the first nun notices a hot dog vendor and they both decide to have hot dogs.

They ordered for two hot-dogs and as soon as the vendor gave it to them, they hurriedly found a bench to savor the American food. The first nun took out her hot-dog from the foil, stared at it for a while and whispered to the other nun, "Which part did you get?"

Short funny jokes-Pascal programmers

Q. Why do all Pascal programmers want to live in Atlantis?

A. The reason is it is below C level.