Redneck jokes-At the workplace

How can you tell if there is a redneck at your workplace

1. He calls the mouse a critter.

2. He has a gun-rack mounted on the CPU.

3. His password is bubba.

4. He puts a Dale Earnhardt sticker on Windows 95.

5. You will find whiskey stains on outgoing faxes.

6. His printer is very slow as he doesn't read very fast.

7. He installs Dodge truck parts in the extra RAM slots of his PC.

8. You'll find that the menus all have Black Label, Old Milwaukee and Bud options.

9. His monitor is up on blocks.

10. You find a skoal can in the CD-ROM.

Hollywood divorces

Hollywood divorces

It is customary in Hollywood to get married early in the morning. It helps in the sense if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.

The most difficult thing in Hollywood is to keep the marriage a secret until the news of the divorce leaks out.

A Hollywood kid felt very proud. The reason - at the last Parent-Teachers meeting, she was given a prize for having the most parents there.

One Hollywood actress is known to be very sentimental: she is very particular about always getting divorced in the dress her mother was married in.

Hilarious jokes-Smart answer

A woman is keen to start working again now that her kids had grown up. She had taken a break of 10 years from work and is all set to enter the corporate life once again.

She wants to get her physical done before she applies for a job. So she goes and gets her physical done. When she returns home from the doctor's, her husband notices she is in an excellent mood.

So he asks her, says; "What are you so cheerful about?"

She replies, "The doc told me I have the body of a 20 year old and the heart of a teenager."

The husband jokes,"Did he say anything about your fifty year old arse?"

She snaps back, "No, he never mentioned you!"

Grape story

Question: Did the grape say anything when someone stepped on it?

Answer: It did not say anything, but it gave out a little whine when it was crushed.

Little Johnny jokes-Hate war?

The History teacher had just finished a chapter on World War I.

She asked the class, "How many of you are against war?"

A number of hands shot up. The teacher said, "Ok, Little Johnny, you tell us, why are you not in favor of war?"

"I hate war, miss." Little Johnny said, "That's because wars end up making history, and history is my least favorite subject."

Hilarious jokes-Finding a race winner

A rich racehorse businessman calls for the services of a geneticist, a physiologist and a physicist. He told them he would award a million dollars to the one who could accurately identify race-winning horses. After several weeks of working on the horses, they were ready with their conclusions to be reported to the billionaire.

The geneticist reported, "I've considered all the current genetic research, checked blood-lines going back several decades, but there are just too many behavioral and environmental factors to arrive at a definite conclusion."

The physiologist reported, "I've checked muscle mass, bone volume and density, and all the other factors I can think of, but it seems to be too complex. It is too difficult to predict a winner."

Finally, it is the physicist's turn who seems to be very relaxed and reports while handing an index card to the billionaire. "There you are," he says "I've found an equation that can identify a winning horse."

"Great!" exclaims the billionaire, "Do you want cheque or cash?"

"Err...there's one little thing that you should know," said the physicist. "It only works for a spherically symmetric horse running in a vacuum."

Short funny jokes-Preying

A nagging wife to her husband: “You don’t care. Something is preying on my mind.”

Husband: “Don’t you panic, it will find nothing.”