Funny lawyer jokes-Watch the Lawyer

A truck driver was driving down the highway when he saw an elderly priest at the side of the road. He stopped to give him a ride.
Further down the road the truck driver saw a lawyer along the side of the road, and turned the truck on a direct course to hit him.
Then he thought, "Wait, I have a priest in the truck. I can't run down that lawyer."
So at the last second the truck driver swerved to miss him.
Although he thought he hadn't hit the lawyer, the truck driver still heard a thump outside of the truck..
He looked in his mirror and saw the lawyer laying unconscious on the side of the road.
Ashamed for what he had done, the truck driver turned to the priest and said "I'm so sorry Father, I really tried to miss that lawyer."
The priest said, "Don't worry son, I got him with my door."

Short funny jokes-Mental hospital

A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in Room 27.
She goes and checks, and comes back to the phone, telling him that the room is empty.
"Good," says the man. "That means I must have really escaped."

Hillbilly jokes-Eat

How many hillbillies does it take eat a 'possum?
- Two. One to eat, and one to watch for cars.

Funny jokes-Side effects of alcohol

1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on ur feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward

2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.

4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.

5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself! .

6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.

7. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking at you funny.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

8. Symptom: A huge light is blinding you.
Cause: You woke up in someone's lawn.
Cure: Coffee and a long nap.

Really funny jokes-Inventing qualifications

Jim needs a job, and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications. He reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much that everything will be forgiven.
After a successful initial interview at the Encyclopedia of American History, he is called back to meet the sales manager.
"You say you have experience selling books?"
"Lots of it," replies Jim.
"And you have a Master's in American history from the University of Michigan?"
"Correct," replies Jim. "History is my field of study."
"Well then," says the sales manager, "As soon as I can complete this form, we can get you started in the firm."
While the sales manager is making a few notations, Jim, obviously pleased with himself, begins to whistle. Looking around the room, he notices pictures of Washington and Lincoln on the walls.
Pointing to the portraits, he turns to the sales manager and says, "Fine looking men. Your partners?"

Short funny jokes-Tongue

A little boy while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue?
Father: Very long...!

Clean jokes-The Drinking Fool

Jones watched in astonishment as the man standing next to him at the bar ordered a dry martini, poured its contents into the sink, then nibbled away at the bowl of the glass. He did not stop till only the stem was left. He placed that carefully before him and ordered another dry martini. This continued until five stems were standing before him and then the man left.
The bartender, noting Jones' astonishment, said with a smile, "You seem surprised, sir."
"I'll say I am," said Jones. "The darn fool left the best part."