* Yo Mama's so stupid, she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
* Yo Mama's so stupid, she thought 2pac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
* Yo Mama's so stupid, she was on the corner with a sign that said "Will eat for food."
* Yo Mama's so stupid, she got on an elevator and thought it was a mobile home.
* Yo Mama's so stupid, she got locked in Furniture World and slept on the floor.
Thứ Sáu, 4 tháng 6, 2010
Thứ Năm, 3 tháng 6, 2010
Really funny jokes-Biopsy mix up
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello, Mrs. Ward, please."
"Speaking."
"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, the results are either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's."
"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Ward.
"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him......
"Speaking."
"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, the results are either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's."
"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Ward.
"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him......
Clean jokes-Church bulletin
I write the church bulletin each week. Last week on complete accident instead of putting in "Pastor Vill will be giving this weeks exciting messages" I wrote: "This week Pastor Vill will be giving this weeks exciting massages."
Another time I was suppose to write "Forgiveness can send you to hell" and I accidentally wrote: "Forgiveness will send you to hell."
Needless to say my work is checked before the bulletins are printed and passed out now in church.
Another time I was suppose to write "Forgiveness can send you to hell" and I accidentally wrote: "Forgiveness will send you to hell."
Needless to say my work is checked before the bulletins are printed and passed out now in church.
Thứ Tư, 2 tháng 6, 2010
Short funny jokes-New camera
Q. Did you hear about the new Japanese camera?
A. It's so fast it can catch a woman with her mouth closed.
A. It's so fast it can catch a woman with her mouth closed.
Hilarious jokes-Almost stepped in
A Polish man walks into his local pub and goes straight up to the barman, who turns away disgusted at the handful of dog poo the Pole is holding.
"Hey, Fred" says the Pole, "Look what I almost stepped in".
"Hey, Fred" says the Pole, "Look what I almost stepped in".
Thứ Ba, 1 tháng 6, 2010
Sardar jokes-Left a fortune
Santa : "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
His wife Jasmeet : "Honey, I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
His wife Jasmeet : "Honey, I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
Really funny jokes-Depressed man
A man lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play guitar and a lot of things that took two arms.
One day he could not stand it anymore. He decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a tall building to jump off.
He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man on the sidewalk below skipping along whistling and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and noticed this man didn't have any arms at all.
He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with his life.
He hurried down and caught the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly, useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and he now knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could do it with no arms.
The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his heels again. He asked "Why are you so happy anyway?"
He said "I'm NOT happy; I am trying to scratch my ass."
One day he could not stand it anymore. He decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a tall building to jump off.
He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man on the sidewalk below skipping along whistling and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and noticed this man didn't have any arms at all.
He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with his life.
He hurried down and caught the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly, useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and he now knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could do it with no arms.
The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his heels again. He asked "Why are you so happy anyway?"
He said "I'm NOT happy; I am trying to scratch my ass."
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