Really funny jokes-Isn't that precious

Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport. The 1st lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South.

When the conversation centered on whether they had any children the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."

The lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?

The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz. "

Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?

The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."

Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious??

The first woman then asked her companion, " What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"

"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady. "Charm school??" the first woman cried, "Oh my God! What on earth for?"

The Southern lady responded, "Well for one thing, instead of saying "Who gives a damn?" I learned to say, 'Well, isn't that precious?"

Good jokes - Anesthetist

Dwayne is recovering from surgery in St Peter's, Chertsey, UK, having had a local anesthetic when a nurse asks him how he's feeling.' I'm O.K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery'.

'What did he say?' asks the nurse.

'OOPS!'

Funny jokes-Water had broken

The young wife hasn't spoken to her husband since the baby was born, all because of a little misunderstanding...
She called him at work and said her water had broken, and he called the plumber.

Kids jokes-garbage collector

I recently asked a friend, 'Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?'

'Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector', my friend replied.

I had to think about that one for a moment. 'That's a rather strange ambition to have for a career,' I finally managed to reply.

'Well,' said the boy's father, 'he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays'.

Really funny jokes-Lead in prayer

It was an evening church service at St Mark's in the small quiet town of Orson, Maryland, USA, and old Deacon Carrick seemed to be sleeping as he occupied one of the back pews.

In those bygone days, some of the cardinal sins were: chewing tobacco, drinking liquor and playing cards. The message had already been preached, and the reverend was winding up the service.

He said in his usual tone, 'Deacon Garrick, will you lead in prayer?' But the old deacon was fast asleep.

Then the reverend father said in a little louder and sterner voice, 'Deacon Garrick, will you lead in prayer?' But still the old fellow still did not respond.

Finally, the vicar shouted, 'Deacon Garrick, will you lead?'

This time, the old Deacon jolted awake, and, not realizing where he was blurted out, 'It's not my lead - I just dealt.

Short funny jokes-Use imagination

A therapist told a woman to use some imagination while making love with her husband to spice things up.
She replied, "You mean imagine that it's good?!"

Funny jokes-Sharks in the Ocean

Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water"."Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?" asks a little old lady, terrified."Yes, I'm afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs"."And if I do this, the sharks won't eat me any more?" asks the little lady."Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won't enjoy it so much".