Clean jokes-Four parachutes

A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions. Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I'm the pilot, I get one!"
After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
"I'm the world's greatest athlete," proclaimed Michael Jordon. "This world needs great athletes, so I must live."
Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.
"I'm the smarest man in the world," bragged Bill Gates. "The world needs smart men, so I must also live!"
Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
At this point, the Pope began to speak. "I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane."
"You don't have to stay here! The world's smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack."

Really funny jokes-The landlord

A large, well built man visited the vicarage and asked to see the vicar's wife, who was well known for her charity.

As he spoke to her he said in a voice breaking with emotion, 'I'd like to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned out into the cold streets unless someone pays their £400 rent arrears.'

'How frightful!' exclaimed the vicar's wife. 'May I ask who you are?'

The enormous visitor wiped his eyes with his handkerchief and wailed, 'I'm their landlord.'

Funny jokes-Toilet problem

An old guy went to his doctor and said, "I have this toilet problem doc."
"Well," replied the doc, "How's your urination?"
"Every morning at 7am - like a baby!" said the old man.
"Good," replied the doc, "How about your bowel movements?"
"8am every morning - like clockwork!" answered the old guy.
"So what's the problem then?" asked the doc.
"Well," replied the old man, "I don't get up till 9am!"

Good jokes-Father George

For Father's Nicholas's 60th birthday, the congregation at St Mary's, Newark, England, decided to give him a present of a new suit.

Father Nicholas was so moved by the gift that the following Sunday he stood before everyone and began his homily with a tear in his eye,
'Today I am preaching to you in my birthday suit.'

Really funny jokes-The special of the day

A man enters a coffee shop and sits down. The sign on the counter says the special of the day is chili. When the waitress comes to take his order, he says, "I'll take the chili."
"I'm sorry," says the waitress, the gentleman next to you got the last bowl." says the waitress.
So the man just orders some coffee. But after a while, he notices that the guy next to him is finishing his meal and the bowl of chili is still full.
"Excuse me," he says to the man, "But are you going to eat that?"
The other man replies, "No."
"Would you sell it to me?"
"You can have it for free if you want it."
So the man takes the bowl of chili and begins to eat it. When he gets about half way through the bowl, he comes across a dead mouse in the bowl. Immediately, he pukes the chili back into the bowl.
The other man looks over sympathetically and says: "That's about as far as I got, too."

Short funny jokes-Embarrass an archeologist

Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Hilarious jokes-See off

Young Tony was with his parents and they were taking refreshments in the bar at Manchester station when they heard a whistle. The three of them rushed out of the bar onto the platform only to discover that they had just missed the train.

'The next train is in one hour,' intoned the stationmaster.

The three went back into the bar. The parents had another drink, Tony had a coke. Again they heard a whistle, rushed out and discovered the train pulling away.

'Next one is sixty minutes from now,' grunted the stationmaster.

An hour later, Tony, with his mum and dad, raced out onto the platform, and his parents leaped onto the train as it pulled away. The boy was left standing on the platform and began to laugh uproariously.

'Your parents just left you,' said the stationmaster. 'Why are you laughing?'

Tony smiled, 'They only came to see me off.'