Clean jokes-Golf Meditations

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents luck.

Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.

Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

Short funny jokes-Wnd beneath my wings

Q: What did the maxi pad say to the fart?

A: You are the wind beneath my wings.

Hilarious jokes-Sharing the bed

Three men go on holiday abroad together. The tourist office informs them that there is only one hotel in town with vacancies. The lads go along there, only to be told by reception that there is just one available room left in the hotel. They are not keen, but as it is their only option, they take the room for one evening and share its only bed.

That night, they all enjoy a good night's sleep. In the morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says,
"I dreamt I had the best wank last night."
The guy on the left side says,
"That's funny, I had the exact same dream!".
The guy in the middle says, "I dreamt I was skiing."

Nursery rhymes children might have missed

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun,
Then died of electric shock.


GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

Really funny jokes-Rude readhead

The rude redhead was on a blind date set up by a friend. She was disgusted by him - he had bad teeth, and was fairly dirty.

"Wow," he said, "when I was told that you were fiery, I didn't realize they meant you were a redhead."

"Wow," she replied tartly, "I didn't realize that when they said you were under six feet, they meant that's where they dug you up from."

Doctor jokes-Epidural

My niece, pregnant with her second child, was certain she wanted an epidural for pain management during childbirth. Her doctor asked her at which stage of labor she wanted the epidural administered.

Her response: "Just meet me in the parking lot!"

Really good stuff-About Women.Part 2

* Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.

* Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

* Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.

* Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.

* Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an 'on/off' switch.

* Women think all beer is the same.

* Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.

* Women don't understand the appeal of sports.

* Women brush their hair before bed.

* Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed.

* Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.

* Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?