Really funny jokes-So lazy

Harry is so lazy, if you shot him he’d probably ask someone to help him to the floor.

Harry was so lazy, if he dropped something he wouldn’t pick it up again till his shoelaces needed tying.

Harry was so lazy he had his window box concreted over.

Harry works almost every day. He almost works on Monday, he almost works on Tuesday, he almost works on Wednesday.

Good jokes-No talk

One friend: “My wife didn’t talk to me after I presented her with a diamond ring.”

Another friend: “Is that so? Your wife must be foolish.”

First friend: “It was a deal. She wouldn’t settle for a gold ring.”

Really funny jokes-Never say no to customer

The manager of a garden centre overhears one of his nurseryman talking to a customer. ‘No, we haven’t had any of that in ages,’ says the nurseryman. ‘And I don’t know when we’ll be getting any more.’

The customer leaves and the manager walks over to give him a telling off. ‘Never tell a customer we can’t get them something,’ he says. ‘Whatever they want we can always get it on order and deliver it. D’you understand?’

The nurseryman nods.

‘So what did he want?’ asks the manager.

‘Rain,’ replies the nurseryman.

Funny jokes-Procrastinate

Boy to father: ‘What does “procrastinate” mean?’

Father: ‘I’ll tell you later.'

Hilarious jokes-Only child

Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school."

"That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her u are the only child?"

"She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"

Clean jokes-Bonsai tree grower

Did you hear about the successful bonsai tree grower?

He got so good he ended up looking for a house with a smaller garden.

Really funny jokes-Neck size

One lady to a salesman in a shop: “I want to select a shirt for my husband, can you help me?”

Salesman: “Sure madam, it is my pleasure. What would be the size of your husband?”

Lady: “Err….. about size, I don’t know. But yes, his neck fits perfectly in my hands.”