Short funny jokes-Alien's mother

What did the alien's mother say to the alien?

Where on earth have you been!

Really funny jokes-Never tasted

Jock was traveling by train seated next to a stern-faced clergyman. As Jock pulled out a bottle of whiskey from his pocket the clergyman glared and said reprovingly, "Look here, I am sixty-five and I have never tasted whiskey in my life!"

"Dinna worry, Minister," smiled Jock, pouring himself a dram. "There's no risk of you starting now!"

Adult jokes-Life on the Moon

Shortly after his spaceship landed on the moon, the astronaut debarked and began exploring the strange new terrain. He had walked for only fifteen minutes when he came upon a lovely young moon girl, who was busily stirring the contents of a meteoroid pot.

"Hi," he said, introducing himself. "I'm an astronaut, here to discover everything I can about life on the moon."

The moon girl stopped stirring long enough to throw him a smile. "How interesting it is that you are formed just like our moon men," she observed, looking him up and down. Pointing to her own, quite naked body, she asked, "And am I structured as a earth women?"

"Yes, you are," answered the astronaut. "But tell me, why do you stir that pot?"

"I'm making a baby," she said. And sure enough, a few minutes later, a baby appeared in the pot.

"Would you like to see how we make babies on earth?" asked the astronaut, by now considerably aroused. The girl said she would, so the astronaut proceeded with a passionate demonstration.

"That was enjoyable," she said afterward, "but where is the baby?"

"Oh, that takes nine months," explained the astronaut.

"Nine months?" she asked. "Then why did you stop stirring?"

Clean jokes-Seagulls

Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea?

A: Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.

Really funny jokes-The family way

Conswelo, a Mexican maid announced to her boss, Mrs. Blanco that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, "I'm in the family way."

The wife was totally surprised and shocked, and asked who the father could be.

The maid replied, "Your husband and your son."

Mrs. Blanco was mortified and demanded an explanation.

"Well," Conswelo explained, "I go to the library to clean it and your husband say, 'You are in the way'. I go to the living room to clean and your son say 'You are in my way'. So I'm in the family way and I quit."

Animal jokes-A Snail's tale

A snail is crossing the road. As he’s about to get to the other side a turtle runs him over. The paramedics transport the unconscious snail to hospital. The doctors work to revive the snail and, when he awakens, the doctor asks him what happened.

The snail replies, ‘I don’t know, it all happened so fast!’

Really funny jokes-So lazy

Harry is so lazy, if you shot him he’d probably ask someone to help him to the floor.

Harry was so lazy, if he dropped something he wouldn’t pick it up again till his shoelaces needed tying.

Harry was so lazy he had his window box concreted over.

Harry works almost every day. He almost works on Monday, he almost works on Tuesday, he almost works on Wednesday.