Really funny jokes-Orchestra attendance

The Dennis community orchestra in Ohio was beleaguered by attendance problems. There were many musicians who remained absent at rehearsals. All players in the orchestra had missed several rehearsals, except for one sincere violin player.

Finally, as the dress rehearsal came to a close, the conductor took a moment to thank Jack, the violinist for his faithful attendance. Jack, humbly responded "It's the least I could do, since I won't be at the final performance."

Commitment phobia!

Judy : I fail to understand what makes men so scared of commitment!

Vinnie : You are telling me! I dated this guy for a two years, and finally had to give him an ultimatum.

Judy: What did you tell him?

Vinnie: I just told him, "Look, you better tell me your last name, or its quits!"

Short funny jokes-Tooth and nail

John, the dentist and Jacob, the manicurist had an argument.
They fought tooth and nail.

Really funny jokes-Good habits

Miss Prim-and-proper said to her grandmother, "Grandma, you have impressed me today. "

Her grandmother asked, "What did I do to impress you?"

Miss Prim-and-proper replied, "I noticed that you have finally formed the habit of covering your mouth with your hand when you sneeze."

Her grandmother said, "Yes, of course. How else am I supposed to catch my teeth?"

Short funny jokes-Odor eaters

Did you hear about the filthy old biker who put Odor Eaters in his riding boots?

Three days later, he disappeared.

Sardar jokes-The farting buffalo

Santa needed a buffalo as few of his customers demanded buffalo milk. He asked around and learnt that good buffaloes were available in the village of Vanipur. So off Santa went to Vanipur and came across a farmer who wanted to sell his animal. The farmer told him to see the animal first and if he liked it, they could negotiate the deal.

They went to the back of the house where the well built animal was lazing. Santa reached under its belly and pulled the teats. No milk came out but the animal farted unusually loud. Santa was taken aback but decided to try another teat. This time too, the animal farted but milk came out in abundance. So Santa bought the animal from the farmer.

Back home, Santa called his neighbor Banta for his opinion about the buy. Banta reached under and pulled the animal’s teats. The buffalo farted. Banta said: “I am hundred percent sure you bought it from Vanipur.”

Santa was amazed: “Yes, but how did you know?”

Banta: “My wife is from Vanipur.”

Bad memory

There are three old men seated inside a doctor's cabin - all suffering from bad memory.

The doctor wants to take a little test - so he asks the first old man, "Can you tell me what is four times four?"

The first man replies, "756".

The doctor can't believe this. So he moves on to the second old man asks him, "Your turn. What is four times four?"

The second man replies, "Friday".

The doctor shakes his head in disbelief and then asks the third man, "Do you think you have the answer?"

The third old man replies, "Sixteen".

"Wonderful!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"

"Easy," the third old man replies, "Just add 756 to Friday."