Really funny jokes-FM radio

Kamran called FM radio & said "I've found a purse with Rs.15000/-, a credit card & an ID card of Mr. Nasir, No. J /125, Liaquatabad, Rawalpindi….

Radio Jockey : How honest ….so you want to return his purse…?

Kamran : No……. I just wanted to dedicate a sad song for him…

Yo Mama jokes-So ugly

Yo Mamma is so ugly,
just after she was born, her mama said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo Mamma is so ugly,
it makes me wish birth control is retroactive.

Yo Mamma is so ugly,
Rice Krispies won't talk to her.

Yo Mamma is so ugly,
she can look up a camel's butt and scare the hump off of it.

Yo Mamma is so ugly,
people hang her picture in their cars so their radios don't get stolen.

Short funny jokes-Passion for Maths

Women have a Passion for Mathematics

They divide their age in half

Double the price of their clothes &

Always add at least 5 years to the age of their Best Friend.

Hilarious jokes-All the credit

Why is getting Christmas presents for your kids just like a day at the office?

You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Really funny jokes-Things your mother would never say

Things Your Mother Would NEVER Say...


-- Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too.

-- Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day.

-- That outfit isn't hot enough, here, unbutton your top .

-- Why don't you hitchhike? It would totally be cheaper.

-- The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here.

-- Don't clean your room so often. It makes the rest of the house look bad.

-- Can I borrow your new speed metal CDs?

-- Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure it out if you're in trouble.

Adult jokes | Self raising

One day, a young man entered a general store, and asked the beautiful, young, mini-skirted woman for a loaf of self-raising bread, which was located on the very top shelf. The woman climbed up a ladder, reached for the bread, and provided the man with an excellent view of her firm cheeks. It wasn’t long before dozens of young men were going into the store and asking for self-raising bread. After a while, she became tired and irritated. She stood at the top of the ladder, and said to an elderly man stood amongst the throng, “Is yours self-raising too?” The feeble old man croaked, “No, unfortunately, I need a little manual help!”

Practical jokes-Shipwrecked

Whether one is "shipwrecked" or just plain "wrecked," perhaps the following words of wisdom might help one stay at or near the surface. Keep the following in mind if you experience any of these symptoms while in a bar:

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
CAUSE: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
CAUSE: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Find a dog. Stand next to him. Complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
CAUSE: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
CAUSE: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have someone fetch some rope and tie you down in upright position.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
CAUSE: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
CAUSE: Mouth not open or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Go to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
CAUSE: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
CAUSE: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
CAUSE: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
CAUSE: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Open window fast.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
CAUSE: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Find
someone cushy-looking. Fall on him.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
CAUSE: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Pour contents of glass on him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
CAUSE: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
CAUSE: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
CAUSE: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
CAUSE: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Find someone sober to sing the song for you. Play backup air guitar.