Office jokes-10 features of the Company Car

10 Features Of The Company Car

-- Accelerates at a phenomenal rate.

-- Has a much shorter braking distance than the private car.

-- Can take speed humps at twice the speed of private cars.

-- The battery, radiator water, oil and tires never have to be checked.

-- It can be driven up to 60 miles with the oil warning light flashing.

-- It needs cleaning less often than private cars.

-- The suspension is reinforced to allow for the weekend loads of bricks, concrete slabs and other building material.

-- Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by turning up the radio.

-- It needs no security system and may be left anywhere, unlocked and with the keys in the ignition.

-- It is especially sand and waterproof for barbeques and fishing expeditions on remote beaches

Funny jokes-The first man

A new TV game show in Hollywood had many contestants who were beautiful, but they weren't necessarily too smart.

On one show, one such woman was extremely nervous, but tried to make the best of her performance.

The host asked, "Who was the first man, for one thousand dollars?"

She responded, "The first man was Peter, my postman, but he only paid me one hundred dollars!"

Really funny jokes-High

You know you are really high when:

1. It takes an hour to cook minute rice.
2. You sell your car for gas money.
3. You think a quarterback is a refund.
4. Your friend takes a hit and says, that stone got me really hit.

Adult jokes-Cold hands

A couple decided to Alaska for a romantic weekend. When they got to the cabin it was cold so the wife asked her husband to go chop some wood for that fire place.

He came in after 5 minutes and told his wife that his hands were cold, so she said her put your hands between my thighs to warm them. So he did and went back outside to finish chopping wood.

He came in after another 5 minutes and said honey my hands are cold again. So she tells him here put your hands between my thighs to warm them. So he did and then he went back out to chop some more wood.

5 minutes have passed and he went in again and said, honey my hands are cold again. She then said, Damn don't your ears ever get cold?

Hilarious jokes-A little accident

I was on my way home to Klerksdorp when a woman driving an old Peugeot 505 in front of me brushed a young girl driving a very clean Honda Accord. This young girl got out of the car and started insulting the woman, who was old enough to at least be her mother or Aunt.

All efforts by passers-by to pacify her proved abortive as she said the car was bought by her boyfriend... I just watched and sympathized with the woman. She told the girl she'd fix the car but it was already evening, getting late and she had no money on her unless the girl followed her home if her hubby could help. The girl kept screaming as people tried to beg on behalf of the woman.

The girl blatantly refused and decided to call her boyfriend saying: Baby, a stupid woman just hit my car". The car you bought me. The man appeared in no minute ready to please his girlfriend by raining insult on the woman. On getting there, he started shouting, "Where is the stupid woman that hit your car", only to realise the woman was his wife.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Clean jokes-BMW

Ann: I'm told you have BMW.
Liza: Yes, it is true.
Ann: How much did it cost you?
Liza: Ten meals a day.
Ann: Do you mean ten million dollars?
Liza: No. I mean what I say. It is ten meals a day, literally.
Ann: What are talking about?
Liza: About my BMW – Body-Mass Weight!

One line jokes-Road to success

The road to success is marked with many tempting parking places.