One line jokes-When baking

Include your children when baking your cookies.

One line jokes-Contortionist

The show host declared to the packed audience that he would be talking to an out-of-work contortionist who said he could no longer make ends meet.

One line jokes-Intoxicated

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.

One line jokes-Genetics

Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.

one liner jokes

Q. What's the difference between an Puerto Rican and a computer?
A. You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q. What do you call a field full of Puerto Rican?
A. A vacant lot.

Military wisdom

Military wisdom

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." - General MacArthur

"You, you, and you.... Panic. The rest of you, come with me." - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

"Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once."

One line jokes-Engineer

You have the right to call yourself an engineer if you can use coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.

One line jokes-Economist

An economist is a person who doesn't know what he's talking about - and make you feel guilty about it.

One line jokes-Reached a point

Just when you thought your earnings have reached a point where ration prices don't matter, calories do.

One line jokes-Lazy

My friend Jack is really lazy - he’s the only one I know who has installed a smoke alarm with a snooze function.

One line jokes-Conduct

Lightning occasionally shocks people as it just does not understand how to conduct itself.

One line jokes-So important

This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it.
(Advertising/Marketing Manager, United Parcel Service)

One line jokes-Front of car

Zen speak:

One who runs in front of car gets tired, one who runs behind car gets exhausted.

One line jokes-Dumber

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they’re going to be when you kill them.

Uncommon noun

The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

One line jokes-Supermarkets

A question I want to asked based on my observation at the supermarket - Why do they make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

Valentine's Day joke-Strict attention

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

One line jokes-When things go wrong

The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.

One line jokes-Down under

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

One line jokes-Hammer

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.