Good jokes-A cow from Alberta

The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta.

The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.

However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the rabbi what was happening; "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.

The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Alberta?"

The people were dumbfounded. They had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. "You are truly a wise rabbi. How did you know we got the cow from Alberta?

"The rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from Alberta."

Really funny jokes-Two Irishmen fishing

Two Irishmen are out fishing for the day, and they have a great time; with the fish grabbing the hooks as fast as they can get them into the water. Finally, with the boat full of as many fish as it will hold, they decide it's time to head for shore.
"But listen," says Mick, "why don't we mark the spot?"
"No problem," says Paddy, who dives into the water and paints a big black X on the bottom of the boat.
Mick beams with pleasure, and they're almost back to the dock when his face wrinkles in consternation. "Oh, no!" he cries to Paddy, "what if we don't get the same boat?".

Hilarious jokes-Expedition across Sahara Desert

An Englishman, an American, and an Irishman planned an expedition across the Sahara Desert, and at the appointed time each shows up with the luggage critical to his survival.

Motioning to his umbrella, the Englishman says, "It's going to be hot out there, roaming across the desert, so I've brought something to keep the sun off me".

The American says "What's really needed here is good old American know-how, so I've brought along a portable air-conditioner to keep me cool throughout the day."

They look across at the Irishman, who is carrying nothing but a right front door to a 1968 Holden. "It's going to be a scorcher out there," he explains, "and so when it gets too hot, I want to be able to wind down the car window."

Clean jokes-Answers in the Bible

There was a guy who owned his own business. He sold plastics to many different companies. One day one of his warehouses burnt to the ground. This led to many orders being canceled and a loss of customers. The insurance company was not going to cover the damage. This guy was in real trouble. He could lose everything.

Well, the guy decided to see his minister. He said to the minister, "I need help! My warehouse burnt to the ground, my product is all gone, my customers are leaving, and I am losing everything!"

The minister told him, "You can find all the answers to your problems in the Bible."

The guy asked, "Where should I start?"

The minister answered, "If you do not know where to look, just open the book and place your finger on the page, and start right there. Sooner or later you will find your answers."

Well, A few months later the minister ran into the individual. It was obvious the individual had become very successful. He had a new car, new clothes, several rings and chains.

The guy walks over to the minister and says, "Thank you. The answers I found turned my life around!"

The minister was curious and said, "In what passage did you find your answers?"

The man says, "I did just what you said. I opened the Bible to a spot, looked down, and found my answer staring me right in the face - "Chapter 11."

Short funny jokes-Smart ass

What is the definition of a smart ass?

Someone who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you what flavor it is.

Really funny jokes-Turpentine

Paddy and Mick, both farmers, met one day at a Kilkenny fair.
"Tell me," said Paddy, "what did you give your mule when he had colic?"
"Turpentine," said Mick.
A few months later they met again.
"What did you say you gave your mule when he had colic?" asked Paddy.
"Turpentine," said Mick.
"Well, I gave my mule turpentine, and he died," said Paddy.
"That's strange," said Dave, "so did mine."

Animal jokes-Elephant crossing road

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?

A: Chicken's day off.