More Confucius says

Confucius says

[1] Man who drives like hell, bound to get there.

[2] Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

[3] Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

[4] Man who fish in other mans' well often catch craps.

[5] Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants.

Really funny jokes-Robbery foiled

A robbery at a school in Providencia, Chile was foiled when the pupils laughed at the perpetrator of the crime reports the newspaper Las Ultimas Noticias.

The teachers, pupils and parents had been watching the rehearsal of a play which began with the words, 'This is a robbery'.

The criminal used these words and the audience collapsed in fits of laughter. So taken aback, the robber snatched the registration money and fled from the school into the arms of the police who were on their way having been alerted to the robbery.

Finance jokes-Bank in trouble

Robyn leaves home for University and after several weeks she turns up at home in quite a distressed state.

'Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice,' she splutters.

'I did?' responds her father, 'What did I tell you?'

Well, you told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in serious trouble,' explains Robyn sniffing.

'What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the whole country,' he remarks, 'there must be some mistake.....'

'I don't think so,' Robyn interrupts, 'They just returned one of my cheques with a note saying, "Insufficient Funds".'

One line jokes-War

War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left.

Really funny jokes-Safety briefing

An airline stewardess was giving the standard safety briefing to the passengers. She had just finished saying 'In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device,' when a man remarked, "Hey! If the plane can't fly, why should I believe the seat can float?"

Short funny jokes-Never ask an accountant

What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?

It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 13 seconds, no wait - 14 seconds, no wait......

Celebrity jokes-Tomkat and Bragelina

Q: Now that Tomkat (Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes) have had a silent birth everyone's wondering what Brangelina are going to do?

A: Sources say that they are going to have the baby in Africa and adopt it right away.