Hilarious jokes-Scottish husband

Scots boy came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play.

"Wonderful," says the mother, "What part is it?"

The boy says "I play the part of the Scottish husband!"

The mother scowls and says: "Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part."

Really funny jokes-Twitter addict

Twitter addict receives phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says:
“I have some good news and some bad news.”
Twitter addict:
“OK, give me the good news first.”
The doctor says:
“The good news is, you’ve got only 24 more hours to live.”
Twitter addict:
“Oh no! If that’s the good news, then what’s the bad news?”
The doctor says:
“The bad news is, Twitter is down.”

Really funny jokes-Hit with a maple leaf

A little old man was escorted into the witness box. He was sworn in and asked by the lawyer to explain what happened. After a lengthy discussion of the events leading up to the incident he finally got around to the meat of the case: ‘And then she hit me with a maple leaf.’

‘A maple leaf? Surely that couldn’t have caused you any serious injury,’ said the lawyer.

‘Are you kidding?’ exclaimed the old man. ‘It was the leaf from the centre of our dining room table.’

Short funny jokes-Hippie

How do you get a hippie out of the bath?

Turn on the water.

One line jokes-Dumber

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they’re going to be when you kill them.

Funny jokes-Angry Indian

A man traveling through Arizona stops at a small town and goes into a bar. He stands at the end of the bar and lights up a cigar. As he sips his drink, he stands there quietly blowing smoke rings.

After he’s blown nine or ten smoke rings, an angry Indian comes up to him and says, ‘Listen, buddy, if you don’t stop calling me names, I’ll smash your face in!’

Hilarious jokes-Scarecrow

A husband and wife are standing at the window admiring their garden.

‘Sooner or later you’re going to have to make a proper scarecrow to keep the birds off the flower beds,’ says the wife.

‘What’s wrong with the one we’ve got?’ asks the husband.

‘Nothing, replies the wife. ‘But Mother’s arms are getting tired.’