Animal testing

John is a PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) member and is discussing animal welfare with his friend Ludwik.

John says, "Animal testing is such a cruel and bad practice."

Ludvick comments, "Yeah, they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."

A die-hard cyclist

You are a die-hard cyclist if:

# You learn someone had a crash and your first concern is "Hope the bike's okay."

# You sympathize with the roadkill.

# Biker chick does not mean leather, but spandex, and not Harley, but a Marinoni.

# You have spent more money on your bike clothes than the rest of your combined wardrobe.

# Wax is used on your chain, but not on your car.

# Your car's odometer has less miles compared to the miles your bike has covered.

# Your bike jerseys outnumber your dress shirts.

# You make it a practice to carry your bike along when you shop for a car - to ensure the bike will fit inside.

# You buy a mini-van and straight away remove the rear seats to allow your bikes to fit.

Free your mind

Adam, a Jewish rabbi was good friends with Daniel, a Catholic priest. They spent many a afternoon in the park, watching the ducks play in the pond. On one such outing, Daniel was eating a ham sandwich.

"You know," he said to his Jewish friend, "there's nothing as tasty as a ham sandwich. I know you're not allowed to eat ham, but why are you denying yourself this delicious treat. When will you free your mind and try it?"

Adam, the rabbi simply replied, "At your engagement."

No sleep walking!

It was bedtime for Little Ted and he insisted on taking his bicycle to bed with him.

His mother, a little surprised by the strange request, asked him why he wanted to do that.

Ted replied, "Mom, I don't want to walk in my sleep!"

One line jokes-Reached a point

Just when you thought your earnings have reached a point where ration prices don't matter, calories do.

The strange invitation

Lewis was tired of the city life and decided to take a sabbatical. He rented out a place in the remote countryside and moved in with his dog, wanting to enjoy the peace and the quiet. He would make fortnightly visits to the local grocery store for all that he needed for himself and his dog.

After four months of seclusion, he heard a knock on the door. When he opened it, he saw a funny-looking guy with a big mustache standing there. The guy said, "The name's Swen. I am your neighbor from six miles down the creek. I am having a party this weekend..thought you would like to join in."

"Sure," replied Lewis. "It's been long since I socialized with anyone, would love to meet the town folks. Thanks for the invitation."

Swen said, "Lemme warn you, though, there's gonna be some drinkin'."

"Not a problem." said Lewis. "Guess I can handle that."

Swen warned, "And some fightin' too."

Lewis said, "I do manage to get along with people. No worries."

Swen was about to leave and then he turned again to say, "You can expect some wild love making too."

"I don't have a problem with that!" Lewis says. "I've been alone for a long time. I will certainly come. Thank you." Then adds, "By the way, what should I wear?"

Swen replies casually,"Anything you like. It's gonna be just the two of us, unless you want to bring your dog along."

Memory storage

My grandpa, 86 years of age, went to see the doctor and asked, "Is it normal at my age to have problems with short term memory storage?"

The doctor replied, "Mr. Asher, storing memory is not the problem, retrieving it is."